What if the church re-branded?

The re-branding meeting at the Vatican

[Cardinal TB]  Hey Benny! How you doin’?

[Pope] Ah, TB!   I’ve just been on Facebook and our followers are down and to top it off those bl**dy Scientologists have got a new app out.  What’s wrong with the World TB?  You write a book and you think you’re a religion!  What a sick joke that is!

[Cardinal TB]  Benny, it’s the way of the world… the way of the world.  Still, remember we commissioned those guys with the haircuts to help us re-brand?

[Pope]  Those stupid bl**dy haircuts, they looked like a boy band TB.   Still some boy bands are alright though aren’t they.  Remember that Westlife concert?

[Cardinal TB]  Ah, yes Benny – good days, good days.  Well, I’ve got their proposal here.

[Pope]  Great, I can’t wait.  What did they think about my thoughts on the logo?  You remember, extending the cross with new additions set at right angles.

[Cardinal TB]  Ah yes, hmm.  It didn’t panel test at all well Benny, something to do with a certain similarity to a mid-twentieth century logo – no idea?  Still, they’ve got some other suggestions here.

[Pope]  Okay, go on TB – although I’ll be honest, I’m going to take some convincing that my idea isn’t the one to go for and I am the boss aren’t I?

[Cardinal TB]  Well, ‘you-know-who’ is the boss isn’t he boss?

[Pope]  Of course, of course, you know what I mean TB…

[Cardinal TB]  Yes boss.  Okay, let’s see.  Option 1, “Our testing shows… blah, blah, blah”, ok here we go.  They say that the problem with our current logo is that it doesn’t reach out and touch enough people, so to address this they’ve come up with a logo with more end points.

[Pope]  Hmm, sounds reasonable, that makes sense – what does it look like?

[Cardinal TB]  Here it is Benny, a star with six points.

[Pope]  I like it, it’s clean and would work across all media.  Also, our embroidery costs wouldn’t be affected much at all.

[Cardinal TB]  That’s true.  Let’s look at option 2 then.   Hmm,  “blah, blah, blah”, what is it with all these ridiculous buzz words they use boss, what’s wrong with these people?

[Pope]  It could be worse TB, you should see the proposal I’ve just received – some bampot has just sent me a new version of the Bible, written entirely in text speak!  Here, listen to this, John 3:16:  “4 God so luvd the wrld dat He gave Hs 1ly begotten Son, so dat evry1 hu Blevz n Him wn’t bt av eternal lyf.”

[Cardinal TB]  Ho, what an eejit!  Okay, option 2, “…to show a more inclusive approach to science it is advised that an ethereal image should be incorporated into our thinking.”

[Pope]  Okay, okay, I suppose we could make a small move in that direction.  What have they come up with TB?

[Cardinal TB]  Here it is Benny, a crescent moon!

[Pope]  That’s nice.  Again it’s simple.  We can get it done in one colour, so it’ll be cheap at the printers.

[Cardinal TB]  Okay, I guess we’ve a decision to make then Benny.

[Pope]  Damned if I know which one to go for TB.  Any thoughts?

[Cardinal TB]  Well Benny, I’m wondering whether all this re-branding nonsense isn’t just a bit of a waste.  Imagine the structural costs of changing all the crosses across our real estate!

[Pope]  That’s a very good point TB, that’s why you’re my right-hand man.  Shame though, I was looking forward to the new business cards and some new bunting for the fete…