Truth be told, there is more than one problem with Twitter, but I prefer the singular for a title – it offers up the promise of a definitive answer to the problem of Twitter. Actually I don’t have any answers, all I have is a point of view and a warped point of view at that. You see I don’t like Twitter that much, it’s not really Twitter’s fault, the fault lies with the users of Twitter.
For those who have never used Twitter, here is a quick description of what Twitter is all about:
The premise of Twitter is simple. You follow people (a bit creepy you might think) and in doing so you get to read their Tweets. A tweet is a 140 character-limited comment. You too can Tweet and if you’ve got something of interest to say then people might follow you.
So, what’s the problem(s) with that? Well, human nature is the main problem. Most people don’t really have anything that interesting to say and yet they think they do (just read this website for evidence of that!). Worse still, people have an innate desire to be loved (or followed) and so the whole experience becomes a bit needy. I do appreciate the irony in someone who writes a blog pointing this fact out – in fact if you want to follow me on Twitter, just follow the link in the picture above, but I wouldn’t bother though, let’s be honest, all the (relatively) good stuff is here.
I do follow people on Twitter, but I follow interesting people (in the main) with something to say. Mostly comedians who have an interesting commentary on the day’s issues, for example @DavidSchneider (everyone in Twitter land has an @ sign at the start of their name – that’s just another irritating fact) just tweeted about the Labour Leader competition: Come on, Labour. Spice it up! To evict Diane Abbott, dial 09011 323 01; to evict Ed Balls, dial 09011 323 02; to evict…. which is quite funny in my humble opinion – incidentally you’d have to express that as IMHO because you’ve only got 140 characters to play with.
So, to help those of you who have yet to Tweet, here are my classifications of the type of people you can expect to find on Twitter:
@Twit-Twats – Nothing to do with Kit Kats this, but every to do with @BorisJohnson announcing that Wiff-Waff (Ping-Pong) is coming home at the 2012 Olympics. You see, these people tweet in response to anything, in a never-ending dirge of nonsense, almost as frequently as a ping-pong ball is struck in a rally. Their next tweet could be, “I’ve just been for number twos”, they really don’t care but they think you should. Avoid these people – don’t follow them.
@Twitterati – These are the glitterati of Twitter. People with thousands of followers. Mostly these are famous folk, but not always – take @shitmydadsays for instance, this guy (Justin) has over one and a half million followers. His Tweets are replays of things his dad has said, like: “See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I’m thinking; How can I give less of shit? That’s why I look interested.”
@Tweluded (also known as @Twossers and @Twankers)– These people are just deluded, as in they think that people must be interested in them because of who they are rather than their content. These people are similar to Twit-Twats, but don’t necessarily Tweet 400 times in a day. @DuncanBannatyne is Tweluded to think that it’s either endearing or interesting to hear him tell you how nice it is from his pool terrace on the French Riviera. This is a very subjective definition, but I don’t derive pleasure from hearing how good his life is – I’d rather he tweeted “f*&k, I just got a parking ticket”, at least you’d think there was something a little miserable in his miserably great sounding life.
I could go on here, but I think you get an idea at least from the above about what to expect if you venture onto the world of Twitter – you have been warned. Don’t forget though, follow me on Twitter for a paltry dribble of random tweets that don’t even make much sense to me. As an aside, if you’re on Twitter send me your Twitter name in the comments box and I will give you a free @Twatification, letting you know what Twitter-type you are.
