Never let it be said that I treat this blog like a tyrant – I don’t want that reputation, first because it’s not true, but secondly because it’s dangerous. I currently own a few bottles of oil (olive, corn, ground nut to name a few) and so you put that alongside the label of tyrant and the next thing you know you’ve got a coalition knocking on your door. On that note, here’s a response to my last article from the Problem Mushroom, I forgot that he’d got more on me than I’ve got on him…
When Neil wrote that “The Problem Mushroom warrants future attention” that is like the Income Tax Department sending you a letter saying we may return to this subject at a future date (cue for scary music!!!).
I think Neil’s Blog site is brilliant – it is insightful, funny and very well written which is amazing because I don’t ever remember him reading a book. He has a First Class Honours in Marketing which shows that illiteracy is no bar to academic success.
Neil looks like a cross between Matt Damon and Wayne Rooney. On his good days he looks like the character in The Bourne Movies, on his bad he looks like Wayne, it’s something to do with foreheads and hairlines.
Having said that both Wayne and Matt are 5’9” and 5’10” respectively and Neil is 6’4” plus so he is a very cool guy (he takes it after me).
Neil has not always been the marketing guru that he is now, I remember he recommended to the Chairman of Greenall’s that he should drink Gordon’s Gin as it was much better. However he was young then and had not researched his customer sufficiently.
Neil has suggested that I have a few “hot buttons” although I am normally the most genial of people. However I have a philosophy or set of beliefs that I have tried to pass on to him and his sisters that is, if trouble comes looking for you confront it and head-butt it (figuratively speaking). I note that Neil is not coping very well with that 6 year old.
When Neil and his sisters were young I said to them that the only result that is guaranteed in life is the one you get when you give up. As long as you are on your feet and moving forward then you never know what the result will be. That does not mean, that if necessary you don’t change your tactics or change your strategy but you stay on your feet and keep moving forward.
This message worked for some years. I used to say to them “What is the only result that is guaranteed?” – “The one you get when you give up” they chanted.
Then one day I got the response “We’re fed up we’re giving up”
Ho- hum but I don’t think they ever have
When Neil was about thirteen, I decided he should learn about the futility of life so I introduced him to golf. He would be out there with the tears blinding him shouting that it was not fair and that he had just hit the perfect shot and the ball had disappeared into some wilderness. “Well son” I said “Golf is like life, you hit the perfect shot and you end up in the rough anyway. So this is not just about playing crap golf you are learning life skills out here”.
Neil was always interested in what I did for a living. I was a Manufacturing Consultant advising businesses on how to improve. I didn’t work all that much in the UK it was mostly in Europe and the USA. At one point Neil thought I was a spy because I wore a trench coat and was always leaving the country.
As I was President of Thames Valley Region of BPICS (or Big Pricks in Costumes as Neil called it) I got a lot of invitation to speak on seminars. So Neil wanted to see what his old man did and I took him to a seminar I was doing at The National Motor Cycle Museum in Birmingham (shortly after that it burned down, but I can assure it was not a protest by those attending my presentation). So on the way home Neil asked how much I was paid for that talk and I told him. “You get all that for an hour and a quarter” he gasped (converting the amount into the quantity of sweeties he could buy for that).
“No” I said “I get that for imparting twenty-five years of experience to my audience.
“Yes” says Neil “but it is still only an hour and a quarter”. He can still be very superficial at times.
Nowadays I live in the Eastern Mediterranean surrounded by religious conflict, civil war, tyranny and corruption. It’s like being back in the Paisley of my youth except there is no town hall clock.
I will close now but there is so much more I could write (Neil, just remember that before you return to the subject of the “Problem Mushroom”).
Best wishes to all your loyal readers particularly to Busy Working Mum who is obviously a very intelligent and insightful person who likes a quality blog site like me.